Zipper Humility

I’m not sure if it had been that way from the moment I got dressed, or if it happened sometime later during the course of the day, but I knew one thing: my zipper was down.

The funny thing about a zipper being down, or someone pointing out that you have ink on your face from a pen that went rogue, something in your teeth from lunch or maybe even a “bat in the cave,” is that you then go back over your entire day with a fine-toothed comb. After you zip up, that is.  

You find yourself wondering who saw it and, if anyone did, why they wouldn’t have pointed it out. Maybe there was a barrage of IMs being sent around the office, encouraging others to notice my unzipped pants – but to not say anything. Nah.  

You find yourself wondering if people really meant it when they said, “Hey, I like your outfit.” Were they stifling a snicker because they liked my outfit + makeshift air conditioning, or did they really not see what was going on?  

Did I perhaps select a top that morning that might’ve been protectively shielding my unzipped pants all along, or had its semi-flowy nature backfired and revealed things a few times?  

And when the security guard greeted me with his daily, “Goooooooood morning, sunshine,” I wondered if he might’ve drawn out the “goooooooood” more than usual because he was, you know, distracted.  


If my zipper is down, rest assured I’m not doing it intentionally – although I did date a guy years ago who liked to do this (and pull things out) after having too much to drink. Wait, disregard – he did it when he was completely sober, too.  

By the way, this zipper-gone-wild thing happened yesterday. But amazingly, it also happened again this morning.  


I had a streak recently where I forgot to put on my earrings for a whole week. Are my zipper shenanigans foreshadowing a streak of a different nature? Let’s hope not. Thankfully, I seem to do this once – maybe twice a year. And since I’ve checked off both annual occurrences in as many days, plus the fact that I realize a little embarrassment every now and again keeps us humble, I think I’m good for a while.  

So, thanks, zipper. Thanks for the humility.

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