The Jesus Conundrum

A friend posted a few “typographic conundrums” on Facebook recently, and I was very taken by them. In fact, I was smitten. They were so simple, so perfect.

The word “lie” was written in tiny, frosty type against a slate background. What was it? A little white lie.

The words “here” and “there” were crossed out in another. Get it? “Neither here nor there.”

I was hoping there’d be one that had the word “once” snugly embraced by a familiar, sapphire-hued celestial body. What would it be? “Once in a blue moon.”

Last week — Tuesday evening into Wednesday morning, to be exact — I had one horrific night of sleep…largely because I got very little. Three hours, max. You can find a lot of things to do during the wee hours, or not so much. I suppose it depends on how badly you want to fall asleep, or rather whether you think you will at all.

One of the things I did, from the coziness of my bed, was a Google Images search for “blue moon.” I wanted to see if I could make my own typographical conundrum, but ended up actually finding an example of it that was so painfully executed it did a whole lotta blue moons a lot of injustice. Note to self: make my own, pronto.

In the process of looking for a blue moon, I found a lot of beautiful images, though. “Wow,” I thought. “I wonder if that’s what heaven looks like.”

The next thing I knew, I was Googling images of heaven. Tip: don’t do this if you’re strung out on a terrible, havoc-wreaking pain medication that has robbed you of quality snoozage. You’ll feel like you’re on the verge of a breakdown, which I feel like often enough without having any assistance from any meds, pain-related or OTC. I was bawling.

One of the images that popped up on the first page of results was what appeared to be Jesus welcoming someone into heaven. It was a beautiful picture, and one that had me sobbing. Sometimes I wonder what people would think of me if they knew what I know about myself.

Would I still be considered their friend? A confidant? Someone that people look up to? A person who can inspire and motivate? Someone who’s like a sister? Good enough to be a maid of honor?

I can’t answer these. Not one. And sometimes it scares the crap out of me because, really, as believers we all want to get to those pearly gates and be welcomed in. But what if all all the good isn’t enough? What if there are too many wrongs to ever right? Are there reasons for all the things I speak of that I’m not yet aware? And, if so, can they please reveal themselves before I go crazy wondering about them?

More questions for which I have no answers.

The daily devotion I read two nights later with tired, red eyes spoke directly to me, and it made me feel a little more calm, a little less worrisome, a bit less of a mess. And for it, I am thankful.

“What God is doing you may not know
But someday you’ll understand why;
Questions that taunt you and trouble your mind
Will one day have heaven’s reply.” -Hess

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