The Near-Death of Eggs

Nothing like starting off a new year by accidentally almost killing my beloved, spry Golden Pothos I lovingly named Eggs.

Eggs and I were united a few months back after our agency moved into our new building. I went over to the nearby Lowe’s to add some life to my stark white office, and saw Eggs needing assistance. It had been unbearably hot for a few weeks straight, and even though he was in the shade, he was fainting.

“Just give him some water and you’ll be all set,” the checker told me.

Always one to rescue things in need – especially when offered at the excellent price of $1.97 – I snatched him up and promptly watered his trailing stems. He perked right up, and within a few hours looked as good as new.

Eggs came back to the agency with a buddy that day, a healthy-from-the-get-go Pothos named Ham. And this morning when I returned to my office, Ham was still in fine shape, while Eggs’ early beginnings may have set him up for [cardiac?] failure.

His once bushy frame was all spread out, as though a bomb had gone off in the middle of his poor little pot. I could practically hear him gasping; he seemed to be hoping that his delirious vines would somehow encounter a drop of water on their quest for, well, life.

I squeaked in horror and threw my purse and car keys on the ground so that I could scurry into the kitchen unencumbered. Thirty seconds and a giant cup of water later, Eggs’ H2O CPR was underway and all I could do was wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Long about 1 o’clock, I remembered to peer around my monitor and beheld the sight before me: Eggs was back.

Like a citizen parched after dehydrating New Year’s Eve revelries, all he needed was a little TLC, some rest, and good old fashioned, non-alcoholic liquid love to return to his old self.

Today I am thankful that Eggs will live to see 2013, and that his scraggly little corpse was resuscitated. From the corner of my desk, Ham looks on protectively, and also received a substantial drink this morning. Partners in crime they shall remain.

Just like me and this blog…which will continue indefinitely.

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